Perspective....

Am I the only person who just gets absolutely exhausted???? Not really a tired exhausted but more of a- life shouldn't be so complicated type of exhausting.... There is always something around the corner. It might not even be major but the fact that it is there at all is troublesome....

Then, to top it all off there are so many emotions to be constantly evaluating. I have never actually made a decision in my life without having to think about all the other people in my life that I need to consider. That possibly makes me seem selfish... if it does- so be it. I just get frusterated at myself and the conflict that goes on inside my head. I feel like I'm in a constant wishy washy emotional state.... I'm never a hundred percent sure what I'm feeling when i'm feeling it. It's only after I've given myself distance and time to evaluate things that I'm able to clarify my feelings.

Now don't get me wrong.... I'm still turning to God with my feelings and issues and the peace that he has allowed in my life is tremendous. I'm just frusterated because I can never quite vocalize what I'm thinking or feeling in the moment. The weird thing is is that I'm not quite sure if I've always been this way or if being a Mommy and all the busyness that it entails has just put me in an emotional scramble mode....

There are people in my life who tend to come and go.... (I like to call them my fairweather friends....) and I can never quite confront them. Maybe confront is the wrong word.... Nonetheless~ I feel like I have been royally burned by almost every friendship I've ever had. There's always been something that just screams "NOT a TRUE FRIEND!!!!!" It's not like my "fairweather friends" were bad people.... there was just always someway that I was let down by them in a big way. The hard thing is that I always still love them. Time passes; we all move on, but I still have a strong sense of loyalty to them.

I can put everything into great perspective while I'm able to be more distant from them but as soon as they start coming around again I can feel myself getting mixed up in the emotional blender.... Where the love and loyalty ends and where the mistrust begins becomes very blurred. I promise myself that I won't get too involved but it gets harder and harder to keep it in perspective......